You know, I really tried to not reply you as much words as possible even to a point that I wanted to not reply. I really wanted to give a one word reply. But at the end of the day, I couldn't bear to do so. I gave in to temptation. I really couldn't bear to do so. I would feel so god damn guilty about it if I did that because it would be so unfair to you for you does not know what's going on. You know? I was so surprised that you still remembered about the blinking green man that I talked about and when it appeared on the television, you helped me check if my call-sign did appeared or not. It's this small little things that brighten up my mundane working days.
It's true you know? Like what i told my friend.
"
If you like a particular person, whatever they do, even if it's a simple "good night". You will feel like they are really concerned about you and make you feel as though you are at the top of the world. If it's a ordinary friend that says that, it doesn't really makes any difference does it?"
Probably you're treating me like a normal friend I
suppose, all the wishful thinking comes from me because i think too much. I don't have the
courage to ask you out, for the fact that I'm afraid that we'll run out
of conversation and awkward silent takes over. I don't have any plans at
all, I don't know where to go or what to do for a date. I'm never a
conversationalist, I just do trash talking all the time.
At times, I couldn't stop myself from checking "last seen today at". A lot of things actually ran through my mind when you didn't reply me.
"Did you saw my message?"
"Did I said anything wrong?"
"Am I too boring?"
"Did my message got flushed down to the bottom by other people?"
"Was my remark too stupid?"
"Am I speaking the obvious?"
"Do I sound superficial?"
Of course, that's your privacy, definitely. You have to work, study and stuff like that, I understand and fully respect that. Then again, I asked myself, what right do I have to know? I'm just another ordinary friend of yours right? This sort of question is far beyond the limit and comfort of what a friend should know. You'll reply when you're free, when you didn't, you're busy. Everything is that simple isn't it? I should remind myself that I have no right to either know or question why are you taking so long to reply my text, friends shouldn't be asking or intruding into another friend's privacy. I'll bear that in mind.
I tried very hard to not think about it anymore. But every time when I'm alone at cashier and there's long queue, I couldn't help myself from thinking how good would it be if you were helping alongside with me, like those days. Then again, it won't happen again anymore.
I admit, I really don't know what a girl really wants, I don't know how
to go after a girl. I don't know how to make a girl happy. I'm not those
that would do fanciful stuff and surprises i guess, I'm a super
unromantic person. But if you ever need a pair of listening ear one day, I'll be there, I promise.
All I ever wish for is to have the gut to ask you out and not blogging over here like a pussy.
I'm sorry for ruining the Thailand trip.
I'm sorry.